Happy Mother's Day

Celebrating an Imperfect Mother

This weekend is a time to stop and reflect and truly thank our mothers and those ladies who have influenced our lives in a motherly or nurturing way.  It is a time to take a moment for ourselves and give gratitude for the blessings that we enjoy in our life regardless of circumstance. 

As a mother of 4 children, I find that I am always questioning myself and my efforts.  I rarely feel that my efforts are “good enough”.  I honestly set out each day to be the best mother I can be, but invariably the weight of life or its circumstances sets in and my humanness leaps forward and I lose my patience or I consequence the wrong behavior or I simply just lose that nurturing characteristic that I try to have at all times. 

Sigh.

I often wonder if dads ever assess their behavior and interactions with their children to the degree that we, as mothers do.  I often wonder who they compare themselves to.  Sometimes, when I watch my husband or other fathers, I wonder …do you even care about what your child thinks of you?  Well, the answer is always a resounding, “Of course I care.”  Followed up by a quick, "Why?  What did they say about me?"  But there is something different in how fathers assess themselves and their abilities than mothers do.  As mothers, I believe, we set our expectations so high because it is what we believe we should do – for that perfect little baby or child who has entered our life.  We set it so high that we are assured that if we keep those standards, they will never be disappointed, never feel pain and never feel, for a moment, that they weren’t loved. 

And yet, our children can and do feel those things.  Not because we are horrible, but because we cannot be perfect on all levels.  Not only is it improbable, but it is unreasonable.  We can and should aspire to be good mothers, loving mothers, selfless mothers.  We can and should be a good example to our children.  We should model for them how to respond in situations of crisis, defeat and distress, as well as how to respond with graciousness and gratitude.  However, of all of these things, the best thing you can do for your child is to know who they are to become…and then raise them up to that potential.  Draw for your child a portrait of a life that is full – full of love and happiness and giving and receiving and sharing and trying and nurturing and laughing and singing.  Share with them the pitfalls that may entrap them and how to avoid them.  But most of all, draw for your child a vision of how great they are and how great they can become.  Paint for them this portrait of your love so that when they are lost or scared or wondering, they have something to look to that may draw them back to you.  Empower your child, and yourself, by discarding the qualifiers for perfection and by casting aside your fears of pain and disappointment, as these will become pitfalls and barriers to your ability to be the kind of mother (and parent) that you wish to be.

Pain is a given.  Disappointment is a given.  Empowerment is a choice.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of us imperfect mothers!